The GLOOB: Fruit Flies Terrorize School

“It’s like a living hell. They’re everywhere, they’re annoying, and they keep making babies so there’s always more of them.”

That’s what a CHS World Language teacher told the Globe about the fruit fly infestation across the high school campus. For the past two weeks, students, teachers and administrators have been terrorized by the insects since their release from the science wing.

“We use Drosophila melanogaster for all sorts of experiments,” said a CHS Biology teacher. “They provide interesting models for students to explore an understanding of FAPs, or fixed action patterns, response to environmental stimuli, genetic inheritance and much more. They also help students gain experience with research and research topics that real scientists are doing right now.”

The outbreak began when an AP Biology student released a sample population of flies during a class experiment.
“I may or may not have opened a tube of fruit flies and let them all escape,” said junior Aaron Zoll. “It was an accident though.” According to an inside source, the tube contained approximately 100 flies, which quickly spread and reproduced.

From the science room, the flies migrated first to the neighboring chemistry wing. By the end of the next day, flies were common throughout the language hall and the rest of the school at the end of the week.

“The flies are all over the place,” said another irate World Language teacher. “The science teachers really need to figure out what they think they are doing up there and fix this whole thing.”

“Fruit flies lay eggs in food. If they have a special problem, maybe the language department is hiding something,” said a science department source.

According to the high school administration, they have hired a professional flamethrower extermination crew to eliminate the infestation over the upcoming weekend.