This year, I’m struggling… that’s why I went into depression because so much stress on me to be successful and to help my family.
[My mom] works her ass off. Our family is poor basically. My mom works a dry cleaning business. She’s the owner and she does not have any employees because she can’t afford to have employees. She works from like 6:30 am to like 7:30 pm and she usually stays longer to continue working. Her physical health is going down. Some days, she can’t get out of bed because she’s hurting. Like physically. I’m afraid she’s going to die soon and I’m really upset about that.
She has depression, I know. I don’t know how many times she’s just had a conversation with me and she’s just started bawling and it hurts, it does. It’s been since my dad and her got divorced and he basically left us. He tricked her into divorcing him basically. And we’re having trouble with child support and everything. He’s not doing his fair share. So many things are going on.
I used to get A+’s. Both semesters freshman year, I had an A+ in Mr. Rice’s class. My family looked to me to be the one to be successful and bring our situation around and so I can be rich when I grow up and support my mom and be like, “Hey you can quit your job. I will get you anything you want.”
The fact that I was struggling this year really got to me because I was like “oh shit” they all look up to me and they’re like, “Oh you’re the one who does really well in school and you’ll go to an Ivy League school and become a doctor and support all of us.” and I was like “yeah” because I love school and I would get good grades, so I was like “yeah, yeah totally.”
For some people, it doesn’t make sense the reason why I did get depression was because of school, because that’s like ridiculous, you know? But, I have reasons behind it. It’s a lot of stress on me.
It was to the point that because I had this depression after not doing well in school, I had no motivation to get up and do homework and then I punished myself for doing this by not going out. This was year was the first year I got Bs in classes. I just sometimes went to bed and didn’t want to wake up. That’s basically it. Shit happens.